Avoidable Anxieties

I have had a breakthrough. An "ah ha" moment.  Quite encouraging actually. And it all begins with another trip to the hospital. Not for me, of course. Nor for Addie or Eric. A friend of ours had a baby so I went to visit to meet the cute new bundle of joy and discovered what should have been for me, the obvious.

All of these questions I am about to ask apply to those with full term, healthy babies:
How many of you mamas, pumped every few hours while in the hospital?
How many of you mamas were told that you couldn't leave your house with your baby for 8 weeks?
How many of you mamas were told by doctors that if your baby got sick would immediately be put into the hospital with a spinal tap?
How many of you mamas were told that you must start out by feeding your baby with a syringe (of breastmilk) and could not exclusively rely on nursing yet?

I ask these questions because I was told every single one of them. I delivered at 36 weeks 5 days. Two days shy of full term. My baby was 4lbs 12oz. Yes, she was small but healthy. She didn't have to go in the NICU and was allowed to go home with us two days later. She was fully developed, in every way. YET, I was scared to death of this tiny person. I was fearful that she wouldn't eat well from me. I was fearful to leave my house with her. I was so cautious about who I let hold her and was a hand sanitizer nazi...because of everything I was told while in the hospital.

Anyways, when I went to the hospital to visit my friend, I noticed she didn't have a pump beside her bed. I was confused. When I was in the hospital, I pumped around the clock. Immediately, she told me that she never pumped (with her first) unless she wanted to store extra milk for date nights. Huh? This was not my experience. She also was never told to wait EIGHT weeks to take her baby somewhere.

I realized that they treated me and my baby as if she were a severe preemie. Which is interesting, because again, yes she was small, and yes I delivered preterm (2 DAYS!), but she was fully developed in every way. I believe many of my fears and anxieties about this tiny baby was completely unnecessary and could have been avoided. 

Hopefully, now that I realize that my experience was not normal, next time I will be a little less overwhelmed :)

Bottoms up

I love that she sleeps like this. Please don't ever stop. Well, I guess when she is 16 that will be a little strange. But for now, I will enjoy :)

Just grateful

  As I sit here in the quiet of our tiny two-bedroom town home while Addie naps, I can't help but feel grateful. And blessed. Not because every day is perfectly scheduled and always goes according to plan. Or because our house is huge and I never feel crowded. And it's not because Addie is the perfect baby and never cries and always smiles. If you follow my Instagram (kghovis) or this blog, I can confidently tell you all those pictures I post can be quite deceptive. In those pictures she is typically always smiling, never messy, and so am I. While I am grateful that Addie is, for the most part, a happy baby, she is not perfect. She cries. Screams too. Sometimes I cry with her. She woke up this morning with boogers on her face, but I didn't think you would have wanted to see it, so I didn't take a picture. In fact, who really takes pictures of the messiness of their life? I've never seen pictures of someone crying after an argument with their husband. I've never seen someone post a pictures of their hair falling out or changing colors because of anxiety. Or never have I seen someone post a picture of themselves with their therapist. Some people only know us from our blog, twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. And those perfectly deceive us. They are good and fun, I use all of them. A lot actually.  But really (for the most part) they reveal the life we want other people to see.

As I began typing this post, my intentions were not to rant about social networks. Really, I was going to tell you how perfect my life is. Just kidding. But back to the first sentence. Why am I grateful? Because Christ has and is continuing to make me so content in the simple, not glamorous, life that I am living. Don't get me wrong. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. But I absolutely love it. I wish I could say that I never complained about being too tired, or just needing a break, or that my daughter is driving me nuts. I am an imperfect person, I need grace. The first 2-3 months of being a mom, I sometimes caught myself saying "Wow, I am not getting anything done today." I would say this because Addie was being extra fussy or feeding around the clock. But then when I realized what I said, I would laugh. Really? What do I think I need to get done? Dishes? Laundry? Dinner?

Seriously. Would my job be to stay at home and clean and cook if I didn't have a child? No. I would still be teaching. My job is Addie. My first priority is Addie. Yes, I have only one child, so technically my job is cake right now. If I meet Addie's needs, give her attention, prayed for her and loved her well, I did my job. Then I can clean and cook. Or do whatever else I feel necessary. I never want caring for my child become a reason for me saying those words.

I am also so grateful for my home. We have a tiny house, and while I do wish sometimes it was a bit bigger (to host more people), there are so many times when I look around and can't believe we own a house. This place we live in constantly reminds me of God's kindness towards Eric and I. When we bought this house we had no money. It makes us laugh to think about the fact we actually bought a house at the time, therefore, we absolutely know it was God who provided this home.

My heart is full. And it's not because we have a lot of money. It's not because we have a huge house or fancy cars. It's not because our closets are full of designer clothes. And don't get me wrong, just like most girls and well, humans, I find myself sometimes longing for these things. And honestly, when I am longing for those objects I find myself at my most discontent. The reason my heart is full today is because I am marveling in my relationships. Really. I love my husband. I love my baby. I love my friends. I love my family. I love Jesus. And I am just grateful.

5 Months

It has been so fun to watch Addie Grace grow and develop these past few months, but it does make me a little sad to think how fast it's gone! She isn't itty bitty anymore! The picture on the left is her at 1 month and the one on the right is from today (5 months!). I bought 0-12 month stickers (pictured on left) and I cannot find them anywhere. It's driving me nuts.

Developmentally, AG is right on track. She isn't sitting up on her own but I'm sure that's coming soon. I also have not started solid foods. I am waiting until she is 6 months. I figured why start something new (if she doesn't need it) when everything is going well the way it is. I did give her a lick of my apple the other day. I was so funny, I think she was just confused. She kept licking though!

This last month we have gotten into a pretty good evening routine. Around 7:00 we give her a bath, then bottle, then bed by 7:30. We also still give her a 2-4oz feeding between 10-11 PM. She typically wakes up between 6:15-7:30 am.

I am so thankful she is a great baby! Hopefully she will continue being easy going, we shall see!

Kale Chips

On Monday, I went over to a friend's house for lunch. It's always a treat when she makes me lunch because without a doubt, she always introduces me to new foods. She is a very healthy eater and grocery shops organic and fresh. And get this...she doesn't keep sugar in her house. Did you get that? Do you even understand what I just said? Because I don't. She doesn't have SUGAR in her house!! WHAT?! She bakes with real maple syrup. Have you ever tried baking without sugar?

Anyways, this new food she introduced me to is Kale chips. When she opened the oven for me to see what she was making, I immediately thought, "Hmmm. Interesting, not convinced I will like those, but I'll try it!"  I was a little skeptical, which I'm not sure why because I always love everything she cooks. I took one bite and was obsessed. I immediately went to the grocery store and cooked some Monday night. And Tuesday. And I'll probably make them today. The texture is amazing.

This is what Kale looks like:

You break the leafy ends from the stem and lay them across a pan:

Spray EVOO all over and sprinkle salt. Bake at 200 for 1 hour. They should be crunchy and delectable. Have you ever tried a Kale chip?? If not, you really should!

Super Bowling

For me, Super Bowl Sunday is typically more about good friends then a football game. Don't get me wrong, I like football and can easily get into a game when I watch it, but I don't keep up with the NFL. I was a little more interested in this Super Bowl because of the Harbaugh brothers and Kaepernick's story but other then that, I was just excited to hang out with my friends and eat good food.

Since last summer, Eric and I have been in a small group with six other couples and it has been SO FUN. There is a good mixture of comedy and seriousness within our group, and I absolutely love being around these people. Our small group is growing, seeing how three of the girls are pregnant! Two with a 2nd child and one with a first!

These are the current small group kids (with 3 more on the way!): Cameron, Eve, & Addie. So we tried to get a kid picture. We tried. Eve loves Addie. When we got there, she ran to us saying "Addie, Addie," so that means she pushed Cameron out of the way during the picture so she could get to Addie.

This wasn't from the Super Bowl hang out but I love these girls and are thankful we are in a small group together. Sarah was also here, but I think she was letting the dog out...or something like that. We may or may not have been watching The Bachelor in this picture...