Stockton One Month

I can't believe it has already been a month! While this month has flown by, it has also seemed so long...I can't imagine our family without our new little guy. 

There isn't too much to report, as Stockton is a sweet, low-maintenance baby. The fussiest he gets is when he is hungry and gassy...which don't we all!

We have had quite the roller coaster ride of breastfeeding, which I have written a separate, very personal letter. Some friends have wondered about my story, which I gladly email it out, as the Lord has sanctified me so much through our short little journey so far, and I choose to give Him glory. So let me know if you would like to read it, as I am more than happy to share!

He sleeps pretty great for a newborn. He goes about 3 hours at night and sometimes 4! Right now he is in the Rock N Play in our bedroom, so I can easily pop that paci back in. Addie never took a paci, but little Stockton loves it. 

Addie also is so in love with "baby broder," as she calls him. She smothers him. All with good, loving intentions of course. She has even started breastfeeding her baby doll...using her belly button. 

He is such a sweet blessing to us! I kiss his face all day long, treasuring this tiny body, as I now realize how fast they grow. We love this little guy!

Stockton's Birth Story

This pregnancy and labor was different than the last. The few weeks leading up to Stockton's birth, I experienced labor-like contractions often, particularly at night. I would wake up in the middle of the night in pain, and think, "this is it."

Every time I was wrong. It wasn't "it."  I would wake up for the day very discouraged and very sleep deprived. What I thought was labor disappeared and here I was, still pregnant. 

Addie Grace was born at 36weeks 5days, so you can imagine how long this wait to 40 weeks felt. I thought I would have him even earlier, and we sat in anticipation for a month. This was exhausting and draining. If I would have gone to 40 weeks with AG, then of course I would have carried on with life until then. 

But I didn't carry on. 

We waited. And waited. And I drove myself insane waiting. 

The doctors told me that I would probably not make it to my due date. 

So I anticipated for 4 long, very long weeks. 

Within those four weeks, there were many instances when I thought I was going into labor, only to be wrong.

I even refused to get "checked" at my 36 week appointment, just to be on the safe side that it could potentially put me into labor. I at least wanted to make it to week 37 this time around. 

When I made it to 37 weeks, I was surprised. I went in for my check up, and I had the doctor check me, mainly out of curiosity on my end. He told me I was 2 cm and 50% effaced. He then asked me if I wanted him to "help things along."

As tempting as this offer was, I turned him down and decided to wait for when the baby was ready. I did not realize that meant three more weeks!

When I was pregnant with AG, I never felt miserable. This pregnancy was a different story. I think the combination of constant anticipation, not sleeping, and lots of false labor contributed to feeling awful. I was so ready to have this baby, and it felt like he just was never going to come.

Through the wait, my prayer was not that I would have this baby "today," but I asked God that he would sanctify me through the waiting. And I had to pray and trust A LOT. 

When the doctor asked if I wanted him to "help things along," the impatient part of me screamed, "Yes! Yes please!" But how could I pray for sanctification and then try to take things into my own hands? No. I knew I must wait.

Four days before my due date I had another appointment. I was 4 cm and 80% effaced. There was no way I was going to make it to my due date. The doctor told me that since I was 4 cm, they would not send me home from the hospital when the time came for us to go. 

After that appointment, I begin to have labor-like contractions. I knew this was it. My mom even drove up for the weekend just in case. Yet another false alarm. I was so frustrated and in tears, everything I thought I knew about my body seemed untrue. I didn't know anything anymore. 

Well, my due date slowly approached, and to everyone's shock, I was still pregnant. I constantly got the comments, "still pregnant?!" and "when is that baby coming?!". 

Last "bump" pic on my due date

That morning before my "Due Date" doctor appointment, I took Addie to the Science Museum to kill time. Might as well not just sit around waiting for labor to come! So we carried on like normal. We got home around 11:30, and  I started to have labor-like contractions. Again. I told myself they would probably go away. BUT just in case, we asked Eric's mom if she would take Addie, in hopes that this was real. Eric went to the doctor appointment with me, and we were both anticipating that maybe they would send us to the hospital. At my appointment they hooked me up to the contraction monitor and watched me for 30 minutes. My contractions were consistent, around 6 to 7 minutes apart.

When the doctor saw me, she said I was still 4 cm and 80% effaced. No progress. By this point, we set an induction date. 

We went home, and I was in tears. I was exhausted, uncomfortable, and just plain frustrated. 

My contractions, however, never went away. They got stronger. By 7:00 pm, I was certain that this was labor but not sure if we should go to the hospital yet. I labored at home with Addie until I was in raging, transitional labor and my water broke. I expected to labor the same way with Stockton, yet I knew if I waited until that point then it was likely that I would labor all night long, and to be honest, I was so exhausted from not sleeping the past few weeks, I just wasn't sure I could endure. 

So around 7:30, I told Eric that we should just go to the hospital. We knew they wouldn't send us home since I was already 4cm. My contractions were consistent and strong but not unbearable. 

We checked in, waited for 30-45 min, and they put us in triage. The nurse came to check me, and I was STILL 4cm! What!!!!

They let me stay though and took me to a delivery room. By the time I got set up in our room, my contractions increased in strength like crazy. I told them immediately I wanted an epidural, so I could get that ball rolling. It took about 45-60 min for the epidural to arrive, and during that time, I was in raging labor. My contractions were much stronger than I remember with AG. I tried so hard to allow my body to relax so I could breathe and labor through them, but my body would not cooperate. I was sitting on the bed and shaking so badly from the pain of the contractions, Eric had to put pressure on my legs using his body weight to help stabilize me so I could try and relax to breathe through the contractions. 

Finally, the epidural arrived. After I got it and was comfortable, they checked me and I was 5.5 cm. I decided that I wanted to rest for awhile since I hadn't slept much the past month. Eric decided he was hungry and I suggested that he go to Wendy's and get food. It was midnight by the point, I was only 5.5 cm, and I wanted to take a nap. I figured it would be awhile before any pushing happens, so he better eat now while he can!

He was gone for 20 minutes, came back, started eating, then all of the sudden my nurse calls for help. They couldn't find Stockton's heartbeat and I started bleeding profusely. 

The head nurse asked my nurse if I had been checked lately...they checked me and I was now 9cm. I went from 5.5 to 9 cm about 30 minutes which is why I started bleeding. 

They found Stockton's heartbeat, called Dr. McComb in the room, and he had to break my water. After that, I alternated relaxing/pushing for the next hour. After about an hour, we decided Stockton was ready, called the doctor in, I pushed 2 times, and he was born at 2:10am!

6lbs 11oz and 20.5inches 

Coming home from the hospital, big sister was so excited!

The Little Years

So life. It happens, which means a long while happens in between posts. 

What's up with us?

You have probably heard, but if not, we are expecting a new addition to our family in January. 

And it's NOT a puppy! 

It's a baby!

A BOY! 

We are so pumped to have a little man, but I'll admit that I am like WHAT DO I DO WITH A BOY. 

I'm a girl. 

I have sisters. 

So I just figured girls were my thang. 

I just knew we were going to be a family of girls. 

But I am so excited for this new adventure of raising a boy!

Children are such a blessing. I cannot even begin to understand those who think of them as a burden. I mean do those people even have children?? 

Don't get me wrong, parenting is hard. Like real hard. But in between tantrums comes those precious smiles, little voices, love for their mommy and daddy, silly personalities, and the list could go on. 

I stare at her tiny features and ask God to never let me forget. Her tiny hands. Chunky cheeks. Head full of curls. The innocence of believing this world is only filled with playgrounds, bubbles, and hugs. 

No other human is this precious. 

Raising a human is a huge task. The responsibility that comes with teaching tiny, precious humans to become large, kind adults. It can be overwhelming. But isn't this the point of parenting?

Teaching your kids how to love and care for others, be responsible citizens who contribute positively to the world? Sure, maybe they will lose their path along the way, but we will be there to continually point them back to that path. 

And our prayer life. Nothing can change your prayer life or turn you into a prayer warrior like having kids. 

And if you believe in Jesus, our hope is that our children believe in the freedom of grace and the truth of the Gospel. Because the Gospel ensures love, grace, kindness, hope, peace, and God. 

My prayer in raising a daughter and a son is that consistent love, discipline, grace, and truth will stir up a love for Jesus. My parenting will not be perfect. By any means.

 But I hope to admit my imperfections to my children, ask for forgiveness, and let them know that Jesus is my only hope. 

I hope to never tell my children that they make God sad when they disappoint, but instead tell them that through Jesus, God sees us as righteous and He still loves them, even when their actions aren't correct. 

I hope my children see me as a joyful mother. One filled with kind and encouraging words. Not one who complains about housework or being too tired or too old. 

I hope my children see a mother who values her beauty from within. A mother who is strong.  Kind to other women and is not jealous. So my son will treasure a strong, courageous, kind woman- one day, as his wife. And my daughter will also one day be a strong and kind woman.  

I hope my children see a mother who consistently disciplines yet holds no record of wrong and always loves them. 

I hope to fill our home with laughter and fun. That our home can be a lighthearted and safe refuge. 

I hope my children see a mother who loves, encourages, and respects their father. That they will one day pursue healthy relationships that are uplifting and faithful. 

Really, this list could go on. I love being a mom. No one ever said this would be easy, so really I shouldn't be surprised when it's not, right? 

But what's so freeing and encouraging, is that even though this list is daunting and overwhelming, I have Jesus. I will not be a perfect mother, I will fail many times in all of these areas. But I get to tell my children that even though I fail, Jesus loves me and it will never change. 

The beauty of the Gospel is that through my failure, they will see Jesus and learn the Gospel of grace. Every time I fail, I get to point them to Jesus. How freeing and beautiful. 

Right now, I'm in the Little Years. And they are hard. The Little Years are exhausting. Sometimes annoying. Lots of correcting, tantrums, and whining.  And I'm not just talking about the two-year-old. 

But they are fleeting and so I ask God to help me treasure those tiny feet, little arms that wrap tightly around my legs while I'm cooking, those sweet kisses, and even diapers galore. 

Because I'm needed. 

And one day this will end. 

But overall parenting pushes me daily to remember the Gospel. 

Parenting brings me to the feet of Jesus.

And I am thankful. 

Quick Update

I cannot believe FOUR months have gone by since I last updated this blog. Man. Talk about neglect.

But if I told you what the last four months have looked like in our lives, you may understand. In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, I will recap our past year.

Last September, we flew across the world to Central Asia where we lived until this June. During those ten months:

we met a lot of amazing people,

experienced reckless driving, 

hitch hiked often, 

lived in multiple feet of snow,

ate sheep's head for dinner (well, Eric did),

ate horse (again, Eric did. I stuck with chicken),

heard stories about the persecuted Church,

met those from the persecuted Church,

visited London, Italy, Turkey, and Dubai,

was a part of a house church,

hung out with lots of fun teenagers

and all of that doesn't even begin to sum it up, but for sake of space and time, I must wrap it up. 

We got back into the country June 12 and have hit the ground running. We began getting our house ready to be put on the market THE NEXT DAY. As in, June 13. Officially put our house on the Market a few days later. Then, SOLD our house IN SIX DAYS. I can't breathe. Just typing that stressed me out all over again.

We pretty much expected for it to take months to sell our house. So when it sold so quickly, we were very thankful but also like, crap we need another house. Needless to say, we close on both houses this Friday. 

Oh yea, we are moving. If you didn't gather that from anything I just said. WE ARE MOVING. 

Besides the moving-across-the-world-and-back-again craziness, we've got a lot going on. Which I will slowly reveal in the next few weeks as things continue to unfold and settle. In the meanwhile, we appreciate prayers. I know this is a super vague post, but I just wanted to give a quick update and let you know WE ARE ALIVE AND WELL!

Comparison

"Comparison is the thief of all joy."

Source of image

I often like to reflect and evaluate my life in terms of the G-spel. Sometimes this happens quite often, other times I let a lot of time and heartache happen before I reflect, then always wonder why I didn't do it sooner. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the aspects of my life during periods of sadness and discontentment. I have come to conclude that the root is most always comparison. So today, I will reflect aloud. I will let you in on my heart dissection, and what the L-rd is so graciously teaching me.

I have heard this saying ["comparison is the thief of all joy"] time and time again, and how true it is. But sometimes, I just can't stop. It's a trap, you know. A deadly one. One that leads you to elevate man over God and causes you to long for this world over the eternal. 

When I realize I am discontent or not joyful, it always comes back to this pattern. I will realize that I have been comparing my life to someone else, and I begin to spiral downwards into this black hole. 

Their children obey better. 

She is thinner. 

She has better clothes. 

Her husband did that for her. 

Her house is so beautiful. 

She is funny and so liked. 

This list goes on. And really, there is nothing wrong with recognizing these qualities in people, but it's when we hold our life next to theirs that we become dissatisfied with our own. 

The result:

We are harsh to our children because they aren't obedient like those other kids

I become consumed in outward appearance

I want more money so I can buy more clothes

I become bitter with my husband

I want more money to decorate better OR I just want to get a new house

I try to become more like her

And slowly the joy is sucked out of life and thanksgiving turns to utter dissatisfaction. 

As long as we live our lives to the standard of someone else, we are doomed for discontentment because there will always be something more to compare. We will continually strive to obtain what isn't meant to be ours. The only life we were created to mimic is Jesus. Once we take our eyes off of His life, we strip the joy from living and replace it with the fear of man and exchange something that is eternal for something that fades. 

I have learned, specifically through my own life, a few harmful results of comparison:

1. We covet through comparison

Covetousness is a breeding ground for dissatisfaction. I didn't know I wanted that thing until I saw it on her! We live in an age where we flaunt everything. Instagram and Facebook (or any other social network site), is a blessing and a curse. It is so fun to keep up with people we never would otherwise, but it also allows us to create the kind of life we want others to see. There have been so many articles written about this, but the reason for my point is not to harp on the risks of social networking. My point is that we have never been more exposed to the danger of comparison like we are today. We can literally see the life we don't have-- decorated and made perfect for the eyes of all the followers. We covet their looks, their home, their personality, their creativity, how good they cook, how cute their children are, how clean their house is, and the list goes on. I have actually had to take a hiatus from these sites when I found myself creeping towards coveting the life or things of another. Covetousness through comparison is harmful, it is dangerous, and it elevates man over God.

2. We develop false expectations of relationships through comparison. 

We see how those children, her husband, his wife, those friends, that mom, etc, perform in a way that we want OUR said relationships to perform. And it doesn't happen. So we get mad, upset, and bitter at our children, husband, wife, friends, mom, etc. because we have unknowingly created expectations for those relationships that essentially are not met. We demand for them to fulfill expectations that formed while we observed relationships between other people. And it is not okay. It is dangerous, it is harmful, it can ruin your relationships, and it elevates man over God.

3. We justify through comparison. 
We are flawed. We are sinners. So, we often desire things that we know will not reflect the glory of God. Yet, many times, we do it anyways. We look at someone who claims to hold the same convictions, see how that person is living out those sinful desires, and then we justify our actions because they are doing it too. We see how that person may outwardly appear that everything is fine, and living that way or doing that thing is not affecting their relationship with J-sus, so we follow suit. Justification of ungodly desires through comparison is harmful and dangerous. It takes our eyes off of J-sus and elevates man over God.

My desire and hope is that I will look to J-sus, always. I will compare my life to HIS and not to another. When I find myself spiraling down into the dark hole of comparison, filled with sadness and bitterness, I realize the only way out is J-sus. The ONLY way.

There will always be someone skinnier
There will always be someone wealthier
There will always be someone with that personality
There will always be someone...who is not me

His desire is for us to be more like Chr-st, not someone else.
J-sus is ALWAYS better.
J-sus has ALWAYS and will ALWAYS be the way out of that dark hole.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. (John 1:1-2)

You see? J-sus is the Word. And He was there when God created the world. His purpose was and has always been to save us from ourselves...even before sin was in the world.

Jesus has ALWAYS been plan A. He has ALWAYS been the way out. He will ALWAYS be the way out.

My desire for all of us is that we will ONLY look to find satisfaction in J-sus and not in people. This is the only way we will be able to eliminate discontentment and truly live joyfully.

Christmas Travels

Well hello again. Wondering where I've been? Everywhere, so it may seem. 

This post has been promised to you, and without a doubt, a long time coming. So, let me take you back. All the way back to Christmas, when we traveled to Italy and Turkey.

Warning: this post is long.

On December 27th we boarded a plane, two planes to be exact, that took us to Rome, Italy. We had a connecting flight in Istanbul, in which I took full last-minute advantage of the airport Starbucks and ordered myself a white-chocolate-mocha-with skim milk-hold the whip please. Whatever, I can be particular, Starbucks and I have been separated for months. 

The first plane ride was 6 hours, the connecting flight was 2 1/2 hours. After begging a one-year-old to take nap on the plane, eat something besides crackers, be a little quieter, and finally, change a diaper on my lap...we made it. Italy at last. 

For the next three days, we explored Rome. We explored hard. From before sun-up, because our baby woke up at 3:30am due to jet lag, to sun-down. 

AG understood that we were in Italy and needed to take advantage of our time here, so she napped in the stroller. Bless her. 

Let me just say, being a history major, I LOVED Rome. This city is incredible. Even if you aren't a History major, check it out. Save every penny you have, and even if you are 70 years old when you finally have enough money, go. Everyone should visit this place. 

Our first night in Rome, we went to a cute little local Italian restaurant where the bruschetta was amazing. By the way, did you know it's pronounced bru-SKetta and not bru-SHetta? Who knew! Well, apparently the Italians.. 

Our first morning in Rome we were out by 5:00am due to jet lag. So we went to a local cafe, and explored the city pretty much by ourselves, since everyone was still sleeping. 

This is a "five o'clock in the morning selfie." Didn't know that was a thing? 

A few hours later, after everyone in Rome woke up, we ventured to the Colosseum area to spend the day. This day was so fun. Since we opted out of a tour guide (so not our thing), we bought a few books on the Colosseum and the surrounding area so we could have the freedom to do as we please. After we walked through the Colosseum, we ventured outside and explored the other ancient ruins of all the palaces.

Addie loved playing on the ancient ruins...






We spent all day around the Colosseum area of the city. We then walked towards the Trevi Fountain, you know, that place where you throw a coin? We were lame a didn't throw one...too many people.

We didn't know the Trevi Fountain was going to be such a big hit so we fled the scene pretty quickly. Luckily, there are tons of shops in this area, so we escaped to rooms filled with purses made of Italian leather, scarves, jewelry, and lots of other fun things. I loved it. The shops were nestled into narrow alleyways, made of streets of cobblestone and lined with old buildings of various colors and scalloped rooftops.  

A few hours and miles later, we decided to plant ourselves at a local cafe in the middle of the square to sit for a while. As we were enjoying a snack, two men with a guitar and accordion walked directly in front of us to play and sing a couple of songs...while staring at us. After they graced us with their performance, they decided they deserved payment, so one of the men walked up to us and held out his hand for money. Yes, we gave him some money. We figured he needed it more than us.

The following day we took the metro to the Vatican and St. Peters Church. If you have a baby, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Don't wait in line. No really, don't. We bypassed a two hour wait to get into the Vatican AND and three hour wait for St. Peters Church, because we had a baby. 

The Vatican museum is HUGE. So huge, that I became a bit of a grump. Probably because (1) I don't appreciate art (2) Hundreds of busts made of marble all begin to look the same (3) All I wanted was to see the Sistine Chapel...which was at the VERY END of the tour (4) All painted ceilings begin to look like...a painted ceiling (5) my husband wanted to look at EVERY SINGLE THING (6) I had an irritable baby to console (7) some rooms were so packed you couldn't move (8) ALL I WANTED TO SEE WAS THE SISTINE CHAPEL (9) Finally!! The Sistine Chapel!!...and you aren't allowed to take pictures so when I pulled out my camera I got yelled at by a guard (10) I was already stressed because I had a grumpy baby and the tour was taking FOREVER, so finally when we got to the Sistine Chapel and I got yelled at...I cried (11) I cried 

After the Vatican, we bypassed the three hour wait for St. Peters Church (largest church in the world) and briefly explored the grand building made of the finest of materials. We walked below, to where the former Popes are buried, which was...interesting(?). 

That evening, we went to dinner at this cute, romantic cafe. Afterwards, we strolled back to our hotel and got gelato (duh) on the way back. We may have eaten gelato EVERY DAY. 

After a few days in Rome, we took a taxi, plane, and boat to our hotel in Venice. Venice was so beautiful. SO beautiful. This was the relaxing part of our vacation. 

We arrived on Christmas Eve and basically just walked, shopped, ate, and slept for the next couple of days. Venice is a sinking city. In the morning, the entire city is covered in about a foot of water. You know who the locals are because they are wearing waders. Shoot. Forgot to bring my waders to Italy. 

On Christmas day, we woke up, ate breakfast, and let Addie Grace open her gifts. Since we were traveling...and she's ONE...we got her three things: A stuffed puppy, a mechanical puppy, and a squishy ball. She loves animals and balls right now, so all of her gifts seemed fitting for her stage of life. Guess what her favorite gift was? The one that cost $1: the squishy ball. 

She was terrified of the mechanical puppy. Eric and I just knew she would love it. We would talk about her opening the gift, her reaction, how her eyes would light up and a huge smile would spread across her face. Nope. She cried. Then ran away.

Oh yes, we have a video. Christmas Day 2013 . It's kind of long, so if you want to watch only the part of her opening the dog, scroll to around 7:40. Don't judge us for laughing.

The rest of Christmas day, we strolled around beautiful Venice. It was very relaxing, and we really had no agenda.

After Venice, we flew to Istanbul where we crashed for the next week. We relaxed this entire week, ordered in food, walked to Starbucks, and ate Krispy Kreme. One evening we took a walk by the Bosporus and let Addie play in the park.  Another day, we took the ferry to the Grand Bazaar, where we bartered for lots of fun souvenirs. A Turkish man asked Eric if he was Iranian. 

Istanbul was a time for recuperating before we spent week three in Antalya, Turkey. Antalya is a city on the Mediterranean Sea. Rough life, I know. It was such a refreshing time, meeting people serving in all areas of Central Asia. We gathered together for a time of worship, teaching, and pr-ying. I believe all of our hearts were full at the end.



The day we left, Addie gets sick. She threw up twice in the hotel before we left, then more on the bus ride to the airport, then again at the airport. There was nothing left in her little body, so she didn't throw up any more and pretty much slept the entire plane ride home. We thoroughly enjoyed our travels and are so thankful for such a wonderful experience!